After feeling horribly sick and dealing with some pretty scary symptoms during the week, I finally started to feel better by last weekend and was hopeful that this past week would be better... that is until I walked to the mailbox!
I had been told that my application for Medical Assistance was as good as approved; they just needed me and my gynecologist to complete one form. I handed that form in on Friday and on Saturday, I received a declination letter in the mail. It said I was declined for Medical Assistance due to an excess of income and and excess of resources (even though the medical bills I have already accrued far exceed my annual gross salary combined with my little bit of savings)!
Needless to say, it was the last straw for me last week. I knew that there were other options I could pursue. I knew that God knows my needs, has a plan, and wants to provide for me. Yet, so much of this journey has been so difficult! I just wanted so badly for this one thing to work out the easy way, but it seemed that would not be the case.
I decided to go sit in my new favorite location at the parsonage... the front deck. I cried for a while (I am a woman, you know), but when I finally calmed myself down and just sat there soaking in the sun and enjoying the beautiful blue sky and the tall, unusually green trees, God began to speak to my heart.
A couple of birds flew across the sky from one tree to another...
"Consider the birds," he reminded me. "They do not sow or reap. They have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them! And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" ~ Luke 12:24-26
I looked down at my little vegetable garden...
"Consider how the lilies grow," he continued. "They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!" ~ Luke 12:27-28
My heart melted. O me of little faith! It wasn't that I had been angry at God. It wasn't that I didn't think it was going to eventually work out somehow. It was just that I wanted it to work out my way and in my timing. I was upset that it wasn't happening the way I wanted it. I was immediately convicted of my selfish and short-sighted attitude.
I know God has a purpose in all the difficulties I face. I know he wants to teach me, shape me, and reveal himself to me. My faith... my obedience was being tested in a real way. Would I trust God or would I worry and be upset?
By a sheer force of my will, I determined one thing: Every time I started to get upset, I would simply choose to consider the birds of the air instead.
- Post Script -
The ironic thing is that by this past Tuesday, I got a call saying that I actually was approved for Medical Assistance! It all hinged on that one form. I just didn't get it in soon enough because I was so sick the week before. Once my case worker had that form in hand, she was able to go back and approve my application!
I don't know yet what my coverage will be, but what a wonderful answer to prayer! What a wonderful God we serve! All along, he knew exactly what his plan was. All along, he was allowing that temporarily bad news by his sovereign plan, so he could work something even greater in me! Can you imagine what a fool I would have felt like if I had spent the weekend upset about something that only days later worked itself out with no effort on my part?!?
So, I ask you this... what is going on in your life that has you worried or upset? Remember, it all comes down to trust and obedience. Will you choose to consider the birds of the air?